hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
