My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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