Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
