hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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