her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
