rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You left your phone here
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