Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
