I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
