with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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