When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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