I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
