They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
