every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
