How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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