I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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