Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
