hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
