So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
