Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
