Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
