fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize