I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
