He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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