I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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