i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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