True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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