is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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