I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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