i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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