there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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