So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Randomize
