Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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