So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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