Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
