Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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