we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
