Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
