walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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