I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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