You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It was confusing and full of hummus
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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