Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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