Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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