we have pet lesbian snakes
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
