Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
