Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
