I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
