did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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