i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
