The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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