So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
