I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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