It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
