yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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