You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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