the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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