You really coming over, don't trick.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize