I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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