I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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