I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
