I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
