so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
