You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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