You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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