after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize