dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
