New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
